“I still remember the days I spent praying, for what I have now” It was 20 years ago almost exactly...that I said my vows and thought life would be like most fairy tales. I would be waiting at home with an apron on for my husband to come home from work with his dinner on the table. The home would be spotless and tidy and there would be children running about in the most mannerly way. A perfect husband, a perfect home, a perfect life with all the perfect children we desired. Have you ever tried a Pinterest project with high hopes of it turning out just as you thought it would? And than it was the most tragic epic fail of your life?
Well, that's how my marriage was...I was....and my non existent Children where.
Once we were married, we tried to have kids right away. We waited and waited. AND waited. Nothing. There wasn’t much more I desired than to be a mama. And it was just not happening. My marriage started to hurt, I started to hurt and my relationships started to hurt. It was hard to be places …
I got saved right before my 13th birthday.I loved laughing, and I still do.But, I carried this weight of loneliness
around, even though I was surrounded with friends.There was a void in my heart, and I didn’t
know how it was to be filled, but I longed for it to be made full.I was so young; I don’t really remember what
I thought about God.I remember always
believing God was there and He knew everything about me.I always believed the Bible was true and that
there was Heaven and Hell.Furthermore,
I knew that God sent his one and only Son to die for my sins so that we could
have eternal life. The thing was it wasn’t personal.I was young, and influenced by the pop
culture of my day and my peers in school.The girls at school loved talking about boys they liked, and experimented
with wearing make-up and wearing fashionable clothes.I felt so pressured to be like them, so I
could fit in, and be liked.Everyone
wants to be liked.Maybe that would fill
the void my heart felt.But, I had
voices in my…
Have you ever made plans in your life, big or small, and kind of put a light “ if it’s the Lords will” on top of it? Almost feeling obligated as a Christian to say those certain words knowing that after all God is in control but yet have this high chance in your mind that you know things will all pan out the way they should or the way you have planned?
All because there isn’t anything too serious that could or should come up in the mean time? And all because everything the last while has been smooth sailing? For myself I am 100% guilty of this.
Instead you ought to say “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” James 4:15
I took that verse for what it said and let my mind ignore some of the surrounding context to realize the importance behind this.
“Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit"— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mis…