Adoption Story

“I still remember the days I spent praying, for what I have now”
It was 20 years ago almost exactly...that I said my vows and thought life
would be like most fairy tales. I would be waiting at home with an
apron on for my husband to come home from work with his dinner on
the table. The home would be spotless and tidy and there would be
children running about in the most mannerly way. A perfect husband, a
perfect home, a perfect life with all the perfect children we desired.
Have you ever tried a Pinterest project with high hopes of it turning out
just as you thought it would? And than it was the most tragic epic fail of
your life?

Well, that's how my marriage was...I was....and my non existent Children
where.

Once we were married, we tried to have kids right away. We waited
and waited. AND waited. Nothing. There wasn’t much more I desired
than to be a mama. And it was just not happening. My marriage
started to hurt, I started to hurt and my relationships started to hurt. It
was hard to be places where everything reminded you that you were
not being given the gift of motherhood. Something everyone in the
entire world was able to have. Just not me.

I remember being so utterly jealous of my friends who could get
pregnant if they just looked at their husbands in the eye. And there was
I . Alone, and childless.

My marriage started to crumble and I had lost all hope.
It became too much and my husband and I separated for an 8 month
period. We both went separate ways, not being faithful to each other.
The commitments I once made to God became not important in my life.
God wasn’t seeming to answer my prayers, wasn’t listening to my begs
and pleas. I denied him and lived a life as far away from Him as
possible.

One day, by His mercy and grace He brought Dave and I back together.
With full forgiveness and full reunification. The kind that only God can
give. We both had done so many horrible things that seemed to be just
unforgiveable. But we were able to forgive and love each other
differently than before, and more importantly, we gave our lives to
Christ and committed to live for Him.
We had been praying and praying for a child of our very own. Yet God
was not granting us children. I often wondered if it was because of my
great sins, or because I was unfaithful, or because He thought I didn’t
deserve to have kids. Those were all lies from the ugly sly deceiver.
Satan had a hold of my thoughts in this area and was not letting me feel
forgiven by my King. “God will never ever forgive you for forsaking
Him....Your sins outweigh Gods Love and forgiveness..... your not
worthy of His kingdom....of salvation” were the words he would play in
my heart for a great while.

I remember one day calling out to God and asking Him to take these
feelings away. I knew I was forgiven. I knew I was his child. And I knew
no sin was great enough for Him not to forgive. I loudly, in my tears
shouted to the ugly gross deceiver that HE DID NOT OWN ME. HE IS
NOT THE ONE THAT IS IN CONTROL AND IN JESUS NAME, I SEND YOU
PACKING SATAN WITH ALL YOUR LIES AND I PROTECT MYSELF WITH
THE BLOOD OF JESUS. FOR GOD IS FOR ME AND YOU STAND NO
CHANCE. He was not my God. He would NOT make me weary anymore.
He would not allow me to think I wasn’t “good enough” for God.
What happened next you ask??

So, I have like a billion kids. More like 8. But it feels like a billion.
We adopted our first son 13 years ago. And that day was like no other.
I held this one hour old little boy with blue eyes and an over bite only a
mother could love. Tee hee.
Then we adopted two older children Jacob and Peter who were nine
and 12. WHO DOES THAT? CRAZY PEOPLE. There were some
adjustments for sure. But shortly after living with us, they very quickly
felt like they had always been there.

From there we fostered 21 different children. Yikes. I have had 21 kids
in my care. At one point in my life I had a newborn or young baby in my
life for 10 years in a row. Yikes. Now you understand my crazy right?
One thing that happens when you have had 21 kids in your home
through fostering, is that you experience a lot of loss. That’s one thing I
wish people remembered when they think about me.. about us. We
maybe haven’t had miscarriages, but we have had many many losses
that feel just like miscarriages and sometimes worse, because our kids
don’t end their suffering and meet Jesus. Most of the kids we raised
went back to their parents homes where drugs, abuse and neglect
would be in their future.

Two and a half years ago, we said good bye to our Faithy who was 3
weeks old when we got her and was 3 when she left. Along with her
sister Hope who was one week old when she came and 1 1⁄2 years when
she left to go back to her parents.

This absolutely broke us. We grieved for a long while. People didn’t
understand our grief sometimes as they would think that our love for
these kids was different than the love you have for your own children. I
grieved for years. And we grieved alone for the most part. We didn’t
have a funeral or closure. We didn’t get a proper good bye. They just
one day were gone. And we never seen them again.
We then had two more kids in our care and shortly after that, we were
able to adopt Noa and Bobby. So we went from 3 kids to five. How
fun.

Then....... This last January we got a call from the CAS asking us if we
wanted Faith and Hope back in our care. And without hesitation we
said YES. We cried and cried. Our prayers for their return were
answered.

The kicker...they now had a baby brother. Kaleb. So wow. Now we
have a billion jillion kids.
I was fearful that they wouldn’t stay. I had put out a fleece that I was
trusting God that if He was bringing the children back to us that It
would be permanent. And guess what?? We JUST got the adoption
order. The judge has granted us to adopt them. GOD ANSWERED MY
CRY. OUR CRY.

All of this sounds so wonderful... and I agree. But the real hero here is
God. He was always in control of everything that happened in our lives.
EVERY SINGLE PART. He never left me. Left us. He was preparing us for
all of this. I love these words. “God has prepared ME for such a time as
this” He has used every difficulty in my life to bring Glory to Him. He
has reunified Dave and I for a purpose. So that HE would be lifted up
and people would say “WOW WHAT AN AWESOME GOD, DID YOU SEE
THE WORK GOD HAS DONE IN DAVE AND MARIANNES LIVES?”. He
didn’t give us children when we desired because he KNEW the children
by name that he was preparing for us.

I love adoption. Not just about children, but the picture of adoption.
Just like we take in all these little babies, God takes us in and says “YOU
ARE MINE”. Just like I am a fierce LION when my kids are being harmed
and in danger...GOD IS BUSTING DOWN DOORS TO BRING US BACK TO
HIM. There is nothing my kids can do that would ever make my un
adopt them. Just like there is NOTHING I CAN DO TO MAKE MY GOD
UN SAVE ME. The lies from the deceiver that whisper at me every once
and a while have NO POWER over me for my God is THE GOD. THE
AUTHOR AND FINISHER OF MY FAITH. My sins are no longer staining
me. They have been paid for by the blood of my Jesus. PAST, PRESENT
AND FUTURE. I SHALL FEAR NOTHING. IF GOD IS FOR ME, WHO CAN
EVER STAND AGAINST ME AND WIN? NOT TODAY SATAN, NOT EVER.
I'm adopted and loved by the King of Kings. And He leads me through
every valley and every mountain top. He holds my head above every
deep water, and stands beside me solid on all the glorious mountain
tops. God gifted me His Son, put His son on a horrible terrible cross for
my dirty ugly disgusting sins. So that I would be saved. And REDEEMED.
Jesus paid it all. PAID IN FULL. No cost owing.
Wow. I don’t deserve this God, who would do this for me. But I am
most thankful for His mighty Gift.

“For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might
become the righteousness of God in Him” 2 Cor 5:21

“I still remember the days I spent praying, for what I have now”




















--
Marianne Miller
Beacon Bible Chapel

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